I want to personally pay tribute to Sister Julie B. Beck, the former LDS General Relief Society President. I know that she has been an inspiration and a shining example to so many across the world, including myself.
Thank you Sister Beck, for your many dedicated hours on behalf of women and their families world wide. Thank you for the many prayers you offered, for your many lost hours of sleep, for the time you sacrificed away from your family, and for your willingness to be a courageous, humble, and charitable servant of the Lord. You have made a difference in my life!
For any who have struggled with depression, please take some time to listen to these words of Sister Beck, as she offers hope and understanding to any and all, who are dealing with trials and adversity in their life.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
You're not Alone
It's been several months since I last posted on this blog. Not long after my previous post in September, I once again have had to work on restructuring life.
About six/seven months ago I stopped taking my antidepressant and anxiety medication. I did well for a little while until October came around. Then as a result of the culmination of several stressful situations, I crashed. Interestingly however, before my complete meltdown, I as well as my husband, could sense that I was on a downward spiral. However, I thought that I could do just a little bit more, and then I would focus on taking care of myself. Well, I thought wrong. One final situation occurred that created a lot of personal stress, and that in turn became my breaking point.
I once again became so severely depressed and anxious that it took everything within me to get myself out of bed. I spent most of my days either lying on the couch or in my bed. My appetite was completely gone. In fact there were days in which I scarcely ate any measure of food. I lost nearly 10 pounds in one week. My body was very deprived of food and therefore lacked energy. In addition to the food deprivation was the intense anxiety I was experiencing.
As a result of these struggles I was in quite a state of debilitation. To stand and walk was quite a feat for me. If it was required for me to stay standing for any measure of time I had to lean on something to support myself. I was so heavily weighed down by these monsters termed anxiety and depression, that even raising my arm seemed like an overwhelming task. Unfortunately, that is the reality of the level of debilitation that some sufferers of depression will face.
As soon as possible I resumed taking my antidepressants and anxiety medication. Because I acted promptly in resuming my medications, my severe depression symptoms subsided within about one week. I did continue to have some more mild symptoms of depression, but nonetheless I was very grateful for the short duration of the severe symptoms.
For those who have never struggled with this trial, I'm sure it seems quite unfathomable how a person who seems so blessed could become so overwhelmingly sad, hopeless, and debilitated. I have recognized on numerous occasions how personally blessed I am, and yet I was in such despair. I knew I should be happy, so why was I so desperately struggling?
I believe part of the answer to that question lies in understanding what clinical depression is. Everyone of us experience sadness in this life. In fact sadness is a very natural and even vital part of our mortal experience. However, when referring to depression, specifically that of severe depression, being sad or down is just a portion of what the sufferer experiences.
Although much is still to be learned about depression, many studies have revealed chemical changes within the brain of a clinically depressed person. These chemical changes or imbalances in the brain, affect a persons mental, emotional, and even physical well being. Sufferers of depression don't just feel down or sad, we feel physically ill, helpless, worthless, hopeless, guilty, and yes sometimes even suicidal.
I believe one of the most difficult parts of depression is feeling so alone in your suffering. Because of the stigmas still associated with mental illness, people don't talk about it like they do with other trials. Everyone needs someone to talk with, especially in times of personal despair.
I also believe that depression is still misunderstood by many. Because all of us experience times of sadness, the term "I'm depressed," can be used very lightly. When the term "depressed" is used, I would suggest that the majority of people understand that to mean that the person is feeling down, like we all do at times, but they will likely feel better in a day or two. They just need to toughen up.
Since every person understands what it means to feel sad or down, I feel that many overlook what it truly means to be clinically depressed. In fact depression sufferers are not just suffering from a bad day, they are suffering with a serious medical condition.
Why is it serious? There are several reasons. Depression can have life changing affects on not only the sufferers, but also on friends and family of those who are ill. Relationships can be severed or even destroyed because of the awful affects of the illness and the misunderstanding of those who care most about them. Depression is one of the leading causes of debilitation in the United States. And, of course the most frightening and serious complication of depression is suicide.
For those who are in the midst of this great battle against depression, I offer to you my hope and my reassurance that even in times of extreme sorrow and hopelessness, you are not alone. There is one who will never leave you alone. At times you may feel that you have been abandoned, but I offer to you these words of hope from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the LDS church.
I know the heartache of depression. I know the feeling of being completely abandoned, even seemingly by the one who loves you most. However, please know that He has not left you alone and that amidst your personal trials, He is fully aware of both you and me. You may not have the capacity to fully recognize this when plagued with the terrible affects of depression, but I have a firm testimony and knowledge that He is by your side, just as He always is.
Again from the words of Jefferey R. Holland:
I plead with each one of you to continue your fight. Even through the darkness, pain, and despair, don't give up and don't give in.
About six/seven months ago I stopped taking my antidepressant and anxiety medication. I did well for a little while until October came around. Then as a result of the culmination of several stressful situations, I crashed. Interestingly however, before my complete meltdown, I as well as my husband, could sense that I was on a downward spiral. However, I thought that I could do just a little bit more, and then I would focus on taking care of myself. Well, I thought wrong. One final situation occurred that created a lot of personal stress, and that in turn became my breaking point.
I once again became so severely depressed and anxious that it took everything within me to get myself out of bed. I spent most of my days either lying on the couch or in my bed. My appetite was completely gone. In fact there were days in which I scarcely ate any measure of food. I lost nearly 10 pounds in one week. My body was very deprived of food and therefore lacked energy. In addition to the food deprivation was the intense anxiety I was experiencing.
As a result of these struggles I was in quite a state of debilitation. To stand and walk was quite a feat for me. If it was required for me to stay standing for any measure of time I had to lean on something to support myself. I was so heavily weighed down by these monsters termed anxiety and depression, that even raising my arm seemed like an overwhelming task. Unfortunately, that is the reality of the level of debilitation that some sufferers of depression will face.
As soon as possible I resumed taking my antidepressants and anxiety medication. Because I acted promptly in resuming my medications, my severe depression symptoms subsided within about one week. I did continue to have some more mild symptoms of depression, but nonetheless I was very grateful for the short duration of the severe symptoms.
For those who have never struggled with this trial, I'm sure it seems quite unfathomable how a person who seems so blessed could become so overwhelmingly sad, hopeless, and debilitated. I have recognized on numerous occasions how personally blessed I am, and yet I was in such despair. I knew I should be happy, so why was I so desperately struggling?
I believe part of the answer to that question lies in understanding what clinical depression is. Everyone of us experience sadness in this life. In fact sadness is a very natural and even vital part of our mortal experience. However, when referring to depression, specifically that of severe depression, being sad or down is just a portion of what the sufferer experiences.
Although much is still to be learned about depression, many studies have revealed chemical changes within the brain of a clinically depressed person. These chemical changes or imbalances in the brain, affect a persons mental, emotional, and even physical well being. Sufferers of depression don't just feel down or sad, we feel physically ill, helpless, worthless, hopeless, guilty, and yes sometimes even suicidal.
I believe one of the most difficult parts of depression is feeling so alone in your suffering. Because of the stigmas still associated with mental illness, people don't talk about it like they do with other trials. Everyone needs someone to talk with, especially in times of personal despair.
I also believe that depression is still misunderstood by many. Because all of us experience times of sadness, the term "I'm depressed," can be used very lightly. When the term "depressed" is used, I would suggest that the majority of people understand that to mean that the person is feeling down, like we all do at times, but they will likely feel better in a day or two. They just need to toughen up.
Since every person understands what it means to feel sad or down, I feel that many overlook what it truly means to be clinically depressed. In fact depression sufferers are not just suffering from a bad day, they are suffering with a serious medical condition.
Why is it serious? There are several reasons. Depression can have life changing affects on not only the sufferers, but also on friends and family of those who are ill. Relationships can be severed or even destroyed because of the awful affects of the illness and the misunderstanding of those who care most about them. Depression is one of the leading causes of debilitation in the United States. And, of course the most frightening and serious complication of depression is suicide.
For those who are in the midst of this great battle against depression, I offer to you my hope and my reassurance that even in times of extreme sorrow and hopelessness, you are not alone. There is one who will never leave you alone. At times you may feel that you have been abandoned, but I offer to you these words of hope from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the LDS church.
"I speak to those who are facing personal trials and family struggles, those who endure conflicts fought in the lonely foxholes of the heart, those trying to hold back floodwaters of despair that sometimes wash over us like a tsunami of the soul. I wish to speak particularly to you who feel your lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair.
To all such I offer the surest and sweetest remedy that I know. It is found in the clarion call the Savior of the world Himself gave. He said it in the beginning of His ministry, and He said it in the end. He said it to believers, and He said it to those who were not so sure. He said to everyone, whatever their personal problems might be:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” 2
He is saying to us, “Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going,” He says, “we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness,” He promises. “I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.”
Do you—or someone you love—face disease or depression or death? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma’s testimony is my testimony: “I do know,” he says, “that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions.”
When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way."
I know the heartache of depression. I know the feeling of being completely abandoned, even seemingly by the one who loves you most. However, please know that He has not left you alone and that amidst your personal trials, He is fully aware of both you and me. You may not have the capacity to fully recognize this when plagued with the terrible affects of depression, but I have a firm testimony and knowledge that He is by your side, just as He always is.
Again from the words of Jefferey R. Holland:
"We cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight-a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless."
I plead with each one of you to continue your fight. Even through the darkness, pain, and despair, don't give up and don't give in.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Power of Music
I'm a Rascal Flatts fan. Since the time I gained a love of their music, I've wanted to attend one of their concerts. Well, last night I was given that opportunity. Thank you to my parents for the awesome birthday present! The concert was awesome!
I don't want to turn this into a post about Rascal Flatts, but I would like to give you just a little background. I recognize that we all have different taste in music. Some love country music, some despise country music. To me, it's not really about the type of music, but it's about what I gain from the music, whether that be a country song or any other genre. What I love most about music is the ability it has to convey messages in a different way than words alone are sometimes capable of.
With that being said, I would like to reiterate why I took a liking to Rascal Flatts music. I found in listening to many of their songs, themes of faith and encouragement that really resonated with me. I can't say that all of their songs have been inspirational to me, but I found in them a recurring theme with much of their music that I really appreciated it. Here's a sample of lyrics from two of their songs that I found some meaning in.
"My Wish"
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
"He Ain't the Leavin Kind"
She stayed mad at him for a lot of years
For taking her husband
Started losing her faith and thinking that
Her life meant nothin
But when she looks at those kids
She raised all by herself
She knows she had some help
Yeah she knows
He ain't the leavin' kind
He'd never walk away
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind
No matter what you do
No matter where you go he's
Always right there
With you
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind
For me both of these songs convey messages of faith, encouragement, and the reminder that God is always near.
Another song that I found great meaning in and that came in a very timely way for me was one that Racal Flatts sings called "Why."
This song is one that tells the story of a friend who loses a good friend to suicide. I first heard this song on the radio not long after I began my journey in recovering from depression. The first time I heard the song I was a little taken back, not quite sure if I had heard the words right or if perhaps I didn't quite understand what the words of the song were conveying. However, I took additional opportunities to hear the song again, and my first impression of the song was correct. The song was addressing suicide. More than once this song has moved me to tears. I have found such personal meaning in its words and have gained such gratitude for the blessing it was to me as it came out in such a timely way for my personal situation.
If for no other reason, I hope this song "Why" has the ability like it did for me, to touch the lives of those who are dealing with depression or who have dealt with the sobering hardship of the suicide of a loved one. I hope this song will have the power to bless the lives of many and to help them understand that "life is worth the fight."
"DON'T GIVE UP. DON'T LOSE HOPE. DON'T SELL OUT.
-Christipher Reeve
I don't want to turn this into a post about Rascal Flatts, but I would like to give you just a little background. I recognize that we all have different taste in music. Some love country music, some despise country music. To me, it's not really about the type of music, but it's about what I gain from the music, whether that be a country song or any other genre. What I love most about music is the ability it has to convey messages in a different way than words alone are sometimes capable of.
With that being said, I would like to reiterate why I took a liking to Rascal Flatts music. I found in listening to many of their songs, themes of faith and encouragement that really resonated with me. I can't say that all of their songs have been inspirational to me, but I found in them a recurring theme with much of their music that I really appreciated it. Here's a sample of lyrics from two of their songs that I found some meaning in.
"My Wish"
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
"He Ain't the Leavin Kind"
She stayed mad at him for a lot of years
For taking her husband
Started losing her faith and thinking that
Her life meant nothin
But when she looks at those kids
She raised all by herself
She knows she had some help
Yeah she knows
He ain't the leavin' kind
He'd never walk away
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind
No matter what you do
No matter where you go he's
Always right there
With you
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind
For me both of these songs convey messages of faith, encouragement, and the reminder that God is always near.
Another song that I found great meaning in and that came in a very timely way for me was one that Racal Flatts sings called "Why."
This song is one that tells the story of a friend who loses a good friend to suicide. I first heard this song on the radio not long after I began my journey in recovering from depression. The first time I heard the song I was a little taken back, not quite sure if I had heard the words right or if perhaps I didn't quite understand what the words of the song were conveying. However, I took additional opportunities to hear the song again, and my first impression of the song was correct. The song was addressing suicide. More than once this song has moved me to tears. I have found such personal meaning in its words and have gained such gratitude for the blessing it was to me as it came out in such a timely way for my personal situation.
If for no other reason, I hope this song "Why" has the ability like it did for me, to touch the lives of those who are dealing with depression or who have dealt with the sobering hardship of the suicide of a loved one. I hope this song will have the power to bless the lives of many and to help them understand that "life is worth the fight."
"DON'T GIVE UP. DON'T LOSE HOPE. DON'T SELL OUT.
-Christipher Reeve
Tags: Why, Rascal Flatts, Rascal Flatts Videos
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Are We Loving Each Other Through It?
Wow! I have been a bucketful of tears over the past couple of days! If you'll be patient with me, I have many thoughts floating around in my mind that I need to share. Sometimes I have an experience that leads to a reminder of another experience, and then another, and so on and so forth. Well that's been the case with me over the past several days. Many times this blog is where my thoughts are shared, and today is no exception to that trend.
I've recently had several conversations with a sweet young woman whom I have stewardship over in the young women's program in my ward. This young woman is only fifteen, but has already learned many of life's important lessons. Over the past year she has had to deal with her dad's diagnosis of a rare brain tumor, along with the complications that have come as the result of that. During this same time her best friend had been diagnosed with cancer and fought a valiant battle, but the cancer took her life. Needless to say it has been a very difficult year for this good young woman.
In addition to my conversations with this young woman, I have also had conversations with her mom. She too expressed some of the hardships and struggles she has faced as she has had to learn to cope with her husbands brain tumor diagnosis, the ongoing recovery process, and the mourning of lost hopes for the future. Both this young woman and her mom are wonderful people who have had to cope with some of life's very difficult challenges. I've been reminded of many things as I have spent time talking with both mom and daughter. However, one thing that has really resonated with me, is knowing that even though we cannot always change the circumstances that we are dealt, we do have the understanding that we can make a positive difference in one another's lives as we take opportunities to love and support each other. We may not be able to take the hurt away, but we can always help to lift a burden as we strive to love each other through one another's individual circumstances and hardships.
My thoughts began with the experiences of this mom and daughter, and have expanded to many other thoughts as I have taken time to reflect on how my life has been blessed by this simple, yet profound idea, of "loving one another through it."
I have been reminded of my grandmas valiant fight with pancreatic cancer. I watched as her loving children and husband gathered around her to care for her. They took care of many of the very basic needs at a time when she was not capable of doing it herself. I watched as my grandpa read to her from the scriptures, and I relished the time I had to sit by her side and talk to her before she passed on.
I was reminded of the difficult night when we were told that my dad had a tumor on his kidney. We didn't have any idea at that point if we were going to be given a time table on how many days we had left to be with him. The doctors shortly thereafter removed my dads kidney. Miraculously, my dads tumor was benign. How grateful we were.
I thought of a good lady whom I had the privilege of helping, as she battled breast cancer. Having no family nearby, with the exception of a handicap daughter who lived with her, her ward family became her family. As a member of the relief society presidency during that time, I had many opportunities to be by her side as she fought her battle.
My thoughts have been turned to an experience I had many years ago when I was assigned to visit teach a sweet lady who was battling the devastating effects of an eating disorder. She was very ill, but I had great opportunities in the short time that I was blessed to visit her to understand what a good lady she was. I took the opportunity to visit her at the hospital when she was so sick. As I left the hospital that afternoon, I didn't realize that would be the last time I would visit with her. Not long after she was released from the hospital, she passed away at her home.
I've been reminded of the day when I received a phone call from my mom letting me know that my cousin had died. He was in a car accident during the night. He was young, only in his 20's. The police officers showed up on the front porch of his parents home to inform them of the passing of their son.
My memories turned to the time about seven years ago when I was struggling with kidney problems. I had to have a kidney biopsy done in order to confirm a diagnosis. I was only in my 20's. I was nervous and feared what might lie ahead in the future for myself, my husband, and my children. I received the biopsy results showing that I had a chronic disease.
I thought of recent correspondence I have had with the wife of a husband who recently passed away. He struggled with depression and anxiety for a good portion of his life.
My thoughts turned to many around me who have faced their battle with depression. I have had the blessing of being able to associate with so many good people who have faced this trial, and have come to love many of them dearly.
I've reflected quite a bit on my own battle with depression. I've thought of the many good people who have been by my side offering to me their love and support.
I recognize that most of these experiences I have shared are not happy or uplifting experiences. However, each and everyone of these experiences have taught me that we all have our own burdens and trials to carry. Although in most circumstances we do not have the ability to remove a burden from another person, we do have the ability to love, stand by, and support another person as they cope with their own personal burdens. Sometimes just knowing that we are loved and supported can make all the difference in the world.
I want to express me deepest gratitude for so many who have loved me through my trials. You have been a blessing in my life. I hope that I can share that same love for others around me, that I have felt from so many of you.
Also, I was very touched by this song that I heard a few days ago. It was written specifically for ladies who are battling breast cancer. However, I think the message of the song can be applied to any and all who are dealing with trials and hardships in their lives.
I've recently had several conversations with a sweet young woman whom I have stewardship over in the young women's program in my ward. This young woman is only fifteen, but has already learned many of life's important lessons. Over the past year she has had to deal with her dad's diagnosis of a rare brain tumor, along with the complications that have come as the result of that. During this same time her best friend had been diagnosed with cancer and fought a valiant battle, but the cancer took her life. Needless to say it has been a very difficult year for this good young woman.
In addition to my conversations with this young woman, I have also had conversations with her mom. She too expressed some of the hardships and struggles she has faced as she has had to learn to cope with her husbands brain tumor diagnosis, the ongoing recovery process, and the mourning of lost hopes for the future. Both this young woman and her mom are wonderful people who have had to cope with some of life's very difficult challenges. I've been reminded of many things as I have spent time talking with both mom and daughter. However, one thing that has really resonated with me, is knowing that even though we cannot always change the circumstances that we are dealt, we do have the understanding that we can make a positive difference in one another's lives as we take opportunities to love and support each other. We may not be able to take the hurt away, but we can always help to lift a burden as we strive to love each other through one another's individual circumstances and hardships.
My thoughts began with the experiences of this mom and daughter, and have expanded to many other thoughts as I have taken time to reflect on how my life has been blessed by this simple, yet profound idea, of "loving one another through it."
I have been reminded of my grandmas valiant fight with pancreatic cancer. I watched as her loving children and husband gathered around her to care for her. They took care of many of the very basic needs at a time when she was not capable of doing it herself. I watched as my grandpa read to her from the scriptures, and I relished the time I had to sit by her side and talk to her before she passed on.
I was reminded of the difficult night when we were told that my dad had a tumor on his kidney. We didn't have any idea at that point if we were going to be given a time table on how many days we had left to be with him. The doctors shortly thereafter removed my dads kidney. Miraculously, my dads tumor was benign. How grateful we were.
I thought of a good lady whom I had the privilege of helping, as she battled breast cancer. Having no family nearby, with the exception of a handicap daughter who lived with her, her ward family became her family. As a member of the relief society presidency during that time, I had many opportunities to be by her side as she fought her battle.
My thoughts have been turned to an experience I had many years ago when I was assigned to visit teach a sweet lady who was battling the devastating effects of an eating disorder. She was very ill, but I had great opportunities in the short time that I was blessed to visit her to understand what a good lady she was. I took the opportunity to visit her at the hospital when she was so sick. As I left the hospital that afternoon, I didn't realize that would be the last time I would visit with her. Not long after she was released from the hospital, she passed away at her home.
I've been reminded of the day when I received a phone call from my mom letting me know that my cousin had died. He was in a car accident during the night. He was young, only in his 20's. The police officers showed up on the front porch of his parents home to inform them of the passing of their son.
My memories turned to the time about seven years ago when I was struggling with kidney problems. I had to have a kidney biopsy done in order to confirm a diagnosis. I was only in my 20's. I was nervous and feared what might lie ahead in the future for myself, my husband, and my children. I received the biopsy results showing that I had a chronic disease.
I thought of recent correspondence I have had with the wife of a husband who recently passed away. He struggled with depression and anxiety for a good portion of his life.
My thoughts turned to many around me who have faced their battle with depression. I have had the blessing of being able to associate with so many good people who have faced this trial, and have come to love many of them dearly.
I've reflected quite a bit on my own battle with depression. I've thought of the many good people who have been by my side offering to me their love and support.
I recognize that most of these experiences I have shared are not happy or uplifting experiences. However, each and everyone of these experiences have taught me that we all have our own burdens and trials to carry. Although in most circumstances we do not have the ability to remove a burden from another person, we do have the ability to love, stand by, and support another person as they cope with their own personal burdens. Sometimes just knowing that we are loved and supported can make all the difference in the world.
I want to express me deepest gratitude for so many who have loved me through my trials. You have been a blessing in my life. I hope that I can share that same love for others around me, that I have felt from so many of you.
Also, I was very touched by this song that I heard a few days ago. It was written specifically for ladies who are battling breast cancer. However, I think the message of the song can be applied to any and all who are dealing with trials and hardships in their lives.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Depression Tragedies : Lost Hope
Yesterday I learned of the death of a father and husband. I attended junior high and high school with him, and I was friends with his older brother. I was shocked and saddened by the news of his passing. As I read his obituary I expected to read of his battle with cancer or of injuries sustained in an automobile accident, as the cause of his death. I didn't. Instead I was filled with the grim reminder of the tragedy of lost hope as I read the words: "(He) has fought against anxiety and depression since he was a teen. He became too tired to fight...."
My heart sank as I thought of his personal battle that I'm sure many around him were not even aware of. I was overwhelmed by the thought of those he left behind who now have to move forward with overwhelming grief as they try to cope with the tragic loss of this husband, father, son, brother, uncle, and friend.
Since learning of his passing, I have had many personal reminders of the awful feelings and difficult struggles that accompany depression and anxiety. I have felt that sense of complete hopelessness and understand the almost unbearable pain that occurs as the result of this terrible illness.
My resolve to share my journey and experience with depression and anxiety has been strengthened even more. Depression and anxiety can be a very silent battle, yet one that is filled with overwhelming anguish and pain. However, having personally walked down that long and lonely road, I am living proof that there is hope, and that brighter tomorrows are in store for any who may have lost hope that they will ever understand and feel happiness and peace again.
For anyone who may have lost hope I pray that you will find reassurance and comfort in the words of President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations. 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.'
The things we hope in sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow. Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty. Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light."
If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, reach out for help, seek out treatment, turn to the Savior, and don't ever give up! However dark and hopeless life may seem right now, I promise if you hold on, you will find brighter days ahead.
My heart sank as I thought of his personal battle that I'm sure many around him were not even aware of. I was overwhelmed by the thought of those he left behind who now have to move forward with overwhelming grief as they try to cope with the tragic loss of this husband, father, son, brother, uncle, and friend.
Since learning of his passing, I have had many personal reminders of the awful feelings and difficult struggles that accompany depression and anxiety. I have felt that sense of complete hopelessness and understand the almost unbearable pain that occurs as the result of this terrible illness.
My resolve to share my journey and experience with depression and anxiety has been strengthened even more. Depression and anxiety can be a very silent battle, yet one that is filled with overwhelming anguish and pain. However, having personally walked down that long and lonely road, I am living proof that there is hope, and that brighter tomorrows are in store for any who may have lost hope that they will ever understand and feel happiness and peace again.
For anyone who may have lost hope I pray that you will find reassurance and comfort in the words of President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations. 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.'
The things we hope in sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow. Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty. Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light."
If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, reach out for help, seek out treatment, turn to the Savior, and don't ever give up! However dark and hopeless life may seem right now, I promise if you hold on, you will find brighter days ahead.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Expressions of Love
I, like most moms always want my kids to know that I love them. As my kids have gotten older and some are approaching their teen years, they have decided that mom needs to be more discreet about uttering those three words.... "I love you!" Especially when their friends are around. After all, it is very embarrassing for your friends to know that your mom actually loves you.
I do have to admit that I sometimes find some enjoyment in my children's embarrassment over hearing their mom utter the four letter word, L-O-V-E. I've gotten a good laugh on more than one occasion as I have dropped my twelve year old daughter off at dance class, unrolled the car window and as she was walking away, very non-discreetly called out, "Bye! I love you!"
I love to see her reaction. She turns around and looks at me with a half grin and half teenage scowl, and then runs into the building as fast as she can. Although it is so embarrassing for her, I know down deep that she really loves to know how much her mom loves her.
I have also made it a habit to tell my kids that I love them before I end a phone call with them. My ten year old son especially loves this ritual when he makes a phone call from a friends house.
Before he hangs up the phone I say to him, "I love you." His typical response to this is a moment of silence, followed by the simply said phrase... "Bye!" There is no acknowledgement on his part that I even uttered the words "I love you!" However, a couple of weeks ago an amazing transformation occurred. My son made a phone call from his friend's home and I like usual said "I love you," before the phone call ended. There was the typical moment of silence, and then out of his mouth came the word..."PEACE!" I gave a good little laugh and then in return to my sons sentiment I uttered, "PEACE!"
I hung up the phone with a huge grin on my face. This was a monumental occasion. Although my son did not actually respond back with the three words... "I love you," He did respond nonetheless. The word "PEACE" does not typically replace the words "I love you," however I knew that from my 10 year old son, his expression of "PEACE" was in fact his expression of love.
There are many ways that love can be expressed. Sometimes it's through words, sometimes it's through actions, sometimes it's through a simple smile or touch. One of my favorite quotes is by Leo Buscaglia. It says:
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile,a kind word, a listening ear,an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Love can be shared and felt in many ways as my son showed me through his utterance of the word "PEACE." The important matter is usually not how we express love, but rather that we do express love.
Yesterday was a difficult day for me. It was a good reminder of my ongoing battle with depression and anxiety. But oh how grateful I was for the small expressions of love that I received that helped to buoy me up and to make it through the day.
Two friends whom I hadn't heard from in a while sent me a text message just to say "Hi," and to ask how I was doing. Another friend invited me to go to one of our favorite places to get some yummy Italian ice with her. I was not able to go, but she told me she loved me and offered the invitation for another day. To end the day one of the sweet young women that I work with sent me a text message telling me that she heard a song that she thought I would like. It just so happened that this particular song is one of my favorites and was one that I needed to be reminded of yesterday.
President Thomas S. Monson said:
"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” 3 We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.
Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”
As one who battles with depression, a simple expression of love from another, can help sustain me even if it's just to the next hour. I have recognized the importance of that in my life and have gained an even greater desire to ensure that I make sharing my love with others a constant part of my personal journey.
I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, you, and all of us, in a very pure and unconditional way. Yesterday I was reminded of this once again as I came across a song referenced on the blog of this good lady (www.melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com). The message of this song touched me deeply and reminded me that God's love is sometimes shown in unexpected ways and through unexpected circumstances.
"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?"
-Laura Story
Love is the key to helping each one of us make it through the storms and trials of this life. In Matthew 22:36-40 it says:
"Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
Love is a vital part of our journey here on Earth. I hope that I will continue whether by words or actions, to make sharing my love a constant part of my personal journey. And I hope that each one of us will feel and recognize the love of God in our lives even when our blessings come through raindrops, our healing comes through tears, and our many sleepless nights are what it takes to know that God is near and that He loves us.
I do have to admit that I sometimes find some enjoyment in my children's embarrassment over hearing their mom utter the four letter word, L-O-V-E. I've gotten a good laugh on more than one occasion as I have dropped my twelve year old daughter off at dance class, unrolled the car window and as she was walking away, very non-discreetly called out, "Bye! I love you!"
I love to see her reaction. She turns around and looks at me with a half grin and half teenage scowl, and then runs into the building as fast as she can. Although it is so embarrassing for her, I know down deep that she really loves to know how much her mom loves her.
I have also made it a habit to tell my kids that I love them before I end a phone call with them. My ten year old son especially loves this ritual when he makes a phone call from a friends house.
Before he hangs up the phone I say to him, "I love you." His typical response to this is a moment of silence, followed by the simply said phrase... "Bye!" There is no acknowledgement on his part that I even uttered the words "I love you!" However, a couple of weeks ago an amazing transformation occurred. My son made a phone call from his friend's home and I like usual said "I love you," before the phone call ended. There was the typical moment of silence, and then out of his mouth came the word..."PEACE!" I gave a good little laugh and then in return to my sons sentiment I uttered, "PEACE!"
I hung up the phone with a huge grin on my face. This was a monumental occasion. Although my son did not actually respond back with the three words... "I love you," He did respond nonetheless. The word "PEACE" does not typically replace the words "I love you," however I knew that from my 10 year old son, his expression of "PEACE" was in fact his expression of love.
There are many ways that love can be expressed. Sometimes it's through words, sometimes it's through actions, sometimes it's through a simple smile or touch. One of my favorite quotes is by Leo Buscaglia. It says:
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile,a kind word, a listening ear,an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Love can be shared and felt in many ways as my son showed me through his utterance of the word "PEACE." The important matter is usually not how we express love, but rather that we do express love.
Yesterday was a difficult day for me. It was a good reminder of my ongoing battle with depression and anxiety. But oh how grateful I was for the small expressions of love that I received that helped to buoy me up and to make it through the day.
Two friends whom I hadn't heard from in a while sent me a text message just to say "Hi," and to ask how I was doing. Another friend invited me to go to one of our favorite places to get some yummy Italian ice with her. I was not able to go, but she told me she loved me and offered the invitation for another day. To end the day one of the sweet young women that I work with sent me a text message telling me that she heard a song that she thought I would like. It just so happened that this particular song is one of my favorites and was one that I needed to be reminded of yesterday.
President Thomas S. Monson said:
"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” 3 We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.
Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”
As one who battles with depression, a simple expression of love from another, can help sustain me even if it's just to the next hour. I have recognized the importance of that in my life and have gained an even greater desire to ensure that I make sharing my love with others a constant part of my personal journey.
I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, you, and all of us, in a very pure and unconditional way. Yesterday I was reminded of this once again as I came across a song referenced on the blog of this good lady (www.melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com). The message of this song touched me deeply and reminded me that God's love is sometimes shown in unexpected ways and through unexpected circumstances.
"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?"
-Laura Story
Love is the key to helping each one of us make it through the storms and trials of this life. In Matthew 22:36-40 it says:
"Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
Love is a vital part of our journey here on Earth. I hope that I will continue whether by words or actions, to make sharing my love a constant part of my personal journey. And I hope that each one of us will feel and recognize the love of God in our lives even when our blessings come through raindrops, our healing comes through tears, and our many sleepless nights are what it takes to know that God is near and that He loves us.
Monday, July 11, 2011
A Glimpse of Who We Are
I have made significant improvements over the past two years in overcoming my battle with depression. I've spent many hours studying, pondering, and applying concepts and information that I've learned in my quest to overcome this trial.
The journey has been long. I still wake up each day struggling to have enough energy and willpower to face sometimes even simple day to day events. I have to continue to remind myself that progression and healing takes time. Sometimes we have setbacks and sometimes we just need the reassurance that things will continue to improve.
I've found that I do much better when I have a clearer vision of who I truly am. So how do we obtain that?
As I sat in church yesterday with the wonderful young women whom I have the blessing of working with, I was touched by what I was taught by the teacher. She shared with us a time when she prayed for Heavenly Father to allow her to see and understand who she is. She was given just a glimpse of the person that Heavenly Father knows she is. As I've pondered upon that, I've wondered how our lives and perspective would be changed if we could truly see ourselves as our Father in Heaven sees us.
Would we make better use of our time?
Would we make different decisions?
Would we have different priorities?
What type of person would we be?
As mortal beings our perspective and our understanding is limited. We don't have the ability and understanding to comprehend things in the same way as a perfected being. However, we are all given opportunities throughout our lives in which we can gain a greater comprehension of God's perspective.
It's interesting to see how often our understanding of who we are increases only after we've experienced some of the hardships and trials of life. Why is that?
We all enjoy life when it doesn't feel like we're on a roller coaster of trials. We relish the moments when we can take in a deep breath and feel calm before we start our next uphill climb. However, sometimes during these calm periods, we may become a little too relaxed and fall into the trap of complacency. When that happens we tend to rely more on our natural human tendencies and desires instead of turning our hearts to the Lord.
Trials have a way, when we allow them to, of refining us. In times of hardship we are given a glimpse of our personal strength, of our capacity to endure, of our increased ability to have compassion on others, and of our willingness to submit our will to the Lord's. It is through trials that we become more pure, more Christ-like, and more like the person that Heavenly Father sees in us.
Consider these words by,Orson F. Whitney, a former member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He said:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God… and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."
My struggle with depression and anxiety has taken me to depths of despair that at times have been indescribable. It has tested my willpower and strength beyond what I believed I was capable of enduring. However, even through the difficulties that at times have seemed to consume my life, I've been blessed to see the growth that has taken place in me. This experience is definitely one that I did not wish for, but I know that it has not been a wasted experience. It has taught me Christ-like attributes that only could be learned through my experience with hardships. It has taught me more about the person that I am and it has given me a glimpse of the person that God knows I can become. For that, I will be eternally grateful!
The journey has been long. I still wake up each day struggling to have enough energy and willpower to face sometimes even simple day to day events. I have to continue to remind myself that progression and healing takes time. Sometimes we have setbacks and sometimes we just need the reassurance that things will continue to improve.
I've found that I do much better when I have a clearer vision of who I truly am. So how do we obtain that?
As I sat in church yesterday with the wonderful young women whom I have the blessing of working with, I was touched by what I was taught by the teacher. She shared with us a time when she prayed for Heavenly Father to allow her to see and understand who she is. She was given just a glimpse of the person that Heavenly Father knows she is. As I've pondered upon that, I've wondered how our lives and perspective would be changed if we could truly see ourselves as our Father in Heaven sees us.
Would we make better use of our time?
Would we make different decisions?
Would we have different priorities?
What type of person would we be?
As mortal beings our perspective and our understanding is limited. We don't have the ability and understanding to comprehend things in the same way as a perfected being. However, we are all given opportunities throughout our lives in which we can gain a greater comprehension of God's perspective.
It's interesting to see how often our understanding of who we are increases only after we've experienced some of the hardships and trials of life. Why is that?
We all enjoy life when it doesn't feel like we're on a roller coaster of trials. We relish the moments when we can take in a deep breath and feel calm before we start our next uphill climb. However, sometimes during these calm periods, we may become a little too relaxed and fall into the trap of complacency. When that happens we tend to rely more on our natural human tendencies and desires instead of turning our hearts to the Lord.
Trials have a way, when we allow them to, of refining us. In times of hardship we are given a glimpse of our personal strength, of our capacity to endure, of our increased ability to have compassion on others, and of our willingness to submit our will to the Lord's. It is through trials that we become more pure, more Christ-like, and more like the person that Heavenly Father sees in us.
Consider these words by,Orson F. Whitney, a former member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He said:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God… and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."
My struggle with depression and anxiety has taken me to depths of despair that at times have been indescribable. It has tested my willpower and strength beyond what I believed I was capable of enduring. However, even through the difficulties that at times have seemed to consume my life, I've been blessed to see the growth that has taken place in me. This experience is definitely one that I did not wish for, but I know that it has not been a wasted experience. It has taught me Christ-like attributes that only could be learned through my experience with hardships. It has taught me more about the person that I am and it has given me a glimpse of the person that God knows I can become. For that, I will be eternally grateful!
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